Firmly Planted
by Lautari
Summary: "This would be what separated them.  As much as Carol loved Jim for everything that he was, her feet were firmly planted on the ground." Prequel to "To Lick Our Wounds"


_Enjoy! Reviews are welcome!_

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"It was great seeing you this week, Jim," Pike said outside the main conference room at the Academy.

Jim offered his hand. "Sir."

Pike smiled warmly and they shook hands, but his smile faded when he followed Jim's gaze through the windows across the campus to the science halls. He sighed. "Jim…..

Jim snapped out of his trance and stepped back. "Sir?"

The admiral shook his head wryly. "Like I said, it was good seeing you."

"You should come up sometime, get you out of the classroom," Jim said backing away. "You're a real _captain_, Admiral. You can only teach so much theory."

Pike grinned at the good natured ribbing. "I'll hold you to that offer."

Jim grinned and saluted before turning and jogging to the lift at the end of the hall. Pike blew out a sigh and shook his head. "Oh, to be young again."

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He stood outside her office before knocking, watching her at her desk. It had always been somewhat of an organized maelstorm; empty coffee mugs, papers stacked high….different books with no marked pages, though she had always known what page she was on in every single one. He used to laugh and call her "The Nutty Professor" and she would wrinkle her nose indignantly before burying it in research again.

It was actually worse now that she had room to spread out. Plants - some probably not entirely legal in the country, let alone the planet – lined the window sills and he grinned when he saw the quartz paperweight he had brought back for her from the mines on Beliza. Her eyes lit up when he had presented it to her and she had spent most of the evening twirling it in her hands watching it catch in the light. She had also used it as a projectile weapon against him on occasion.

He stepped in and cleared his throat and she looked up startled. Her green eyes widened and her face paled as she nervously tucked tendrils of blonde hair behind her ears where it had fallen out of the bun at the nape of her neck. "Geez Kirk, you still don't knock," she snapped, recovering from her surprise.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and leaned against the wall. "How are you?"

She shrugged and chewed on the eraser at the end of her pencil, a habit she practiced when she was nervous. He cocked his head to the side to study a folder on her desk that was partly covered. G….E…..N…she slapped a hand over it before he could read it and picked it up. "What are you doing planetside?" she asked shoving it in a drawer. "I didn't know you were coming in."

"Meetings…..you know, Starfleet bullshit." He dug through his pockets and pulled out her old locket. "You, uh, you left this," he said holding it out. "I didn't want to send it; I know it's your good luck charm."

Her eyes softened as she reached out to take it and Jim couldn't help but feel a void when it left his fingertips. He actually could've sent it months ago but he hadn't been quite ready to let it go yet….let her go. He had just needed it a little longer to anchor him. They both still had possessions the other had left behind or possessions they had given each other that they just hadn't parted with yet. Their relationship had ended so abruptly and they had four years to sort through. Some things one couldn't just torch in a trash can out of anger.

"Carol, look, I'm sorry."

"Jim…"

"Carol, just shut up and let me talk," Jim snapped, rounding her desk. "This is hard enough for me as it is…" his voice trailed off.

Her eyes refused to meet his.

"Carol…" he breathed.

"Jim, please," she whispered. "Just –"

"Just what?" He felt nauseous and he dropped to his knees in front of her chair. "You're pregnant." He reached out to touch her belly but clenched his fists instead and dropped them. "How could you keep this from me, damn it?" he asked, eyes flashing. "Do you really hate me that much?"

Carol's eyes were tired. "This isn't about us anymore."

"The hell it isn't!" Hurt was written all over his face. "What is it about then?"

"_This baby_."

He stood and turned away. "So what do we do?"

Carol shook her head and bit her lip trying to fight tears.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked again softly.

"Jim…we can't go back. Not now."

"We don't have to!" Jim said spinning around. "It can be better!" he grabbed her arms desperately. "Marry me."

She froze. "What?"

"You heard me! Marry me! I know things have been rough this past year," he rambled. "But it'll start settling down. Things just happened so quickly – "

"Jim, stop!" she interrupted, abruptly standing up. She held her hands against her stomach. "I've thought this through."

"I haven't!" he snapped. "I haven't had time!"

"Look, you have every right to be angry," Carol acknowledged holding her hands out. "But we cannot raise a child together."

"I am the father of that baby!"

"I don't want you to be!"

Jim looked as if he had been slapped and she clamped a hand over her mouth. "I'm sorry, Jim. I didn't mean that."

He turned away again and she grabbed his arm. "Jim, I'm sorry," she said, turning him back to face her. "I just…I've been so angry. I just always wanted things to be so different."

"They still can be," he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers.

She shook her head. "We're _over_. We can't do this anymore. We're both too selfish to give when we need to."

"Carol, please…"

"Jim, I love you," she said. "But sometimes I hate you more. And I know I'm no better for you. You deserve a lot more than what I can give you."

"You can't ask me to stay away."

"That's exactly what I'm asking you to do."

"No."

"This is our one chance to actually have something good come out of this mess we've made."

"Then let me be a part of it."

Carol crossed her arms. "You can't be a part of it when you go where I can't follow."

This would be what separated them. As much as Carol loved Jim for everything that he was, her feet were firmly planted on the ground. And where she had once been the one to ground him, a dark, silent mistress had taken her place. Carol never thought she could despise a ship as she did The Enterprise. As if to help drive her point home, his PADD flashed and beeped and he growled in frustration.

"Duty calls, Captain."

Jim's face became steel and she knew she had won. She felt the last pieces of her heart shatter. "I always wanted things to be different too, you know," he said bitterly.

She nodded mutely and there was nothing else to say. He dropped his hands from her arms and turned and walked away without another word.

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_I know that Carol Marcus isn't the most popular character in the Star Trek universe, but I prefer my stories to line up with canon. I find her a sympathetic character and while she played a significant role, is still largely undeveloped which makes her all the more fun to play with. I hope readers enjoyed this piece!_


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